Monday, July 14, 2008

Home Invasion

Friday morning, I made some hand pies.  What are hand pies?  More on that later.  For now, they are a baked good.  It was after lunch on Friday.  Magoo was home from summer school, chillin' on the couch and I went out to get him a pie from the back sun porch.  That's when I saw...

A FRIGGIN' SQUIRREL IN MY FRIGGIN' HOUSE!!!


AHHHHH!

Well, I scared it as much as it scared me, because it starts hopping all over the place trying to find a way out.  The screen was closed.  The door to the garage was closed.  I ran back into the kitchen and closed that door as well.  So now I am safe - but I can't get to my pies!

So I run around to the garage and open that door and run away really fast.  Because - in my mind - the squirrel is going to leap forth and dig its claws into my face.  I could hear it jumping around again, so I think it was more likely that I gave the thing a heart attack.

But it didn't leave.  Old Stupid kept bashing itself against the closed screen.

So then I ran around to the back of the house and opened the screen door and ran away - again, to avoid any claw on face action.  I ran back into the kitchen and the dim-witted thing is STILL in there.  But this time, when I rattle the door handle, this time it runs out the open screen door.

Okay. So here's the pie it got: 


Rotten little friggin' fraggin' #%@!*.

But HOW did it get in?  I couldn't figure it out until I saw this:

It ate through my screen!  The smell of these delicious hand pies drove a squirrel to eat through my screen!

So I sewed that shut (poorly) and put some tape over it as best I could and enjoyed a hand pie.

What is a hand pie?

They are kinda like Hostess Fruit Pies.  A pie totally surrounded by crust so you can eat it with your hands. (Well, you eat it with your mouth, of course.  But you can hold it in your hands.) I made half a batch pear and half a batch rhubarb-strawberry.   I used the Angry Chicken crust recipe and altered the fruit filling.  But I used the baking directions for this one.

I can officially call these Squirrel Stealin' Good!

3 comments:

Jessica said...

That is too funny!!
I hope he doesn't go tell all of his buddies. They may want to come get their hands (paws) on those yummy looking pies!!

sara said...

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! That is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time!

MIMI said...

I'm salivating as much as the squirrel! And really Julie, hilarious- Hi-lar-i-ous! I don't blame you, they are rodents after all. Remember when Kaczander used to stop on campus and talk to the squirrels? Ha! You should've called her, she would've taken care of all that.

love,
Ames